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Something that annoyed me to no end in Japan is the constant noise. There's just so many random, superfluous and really just plain inexplicable noises in the country - it's enough to grate on anyone's nerves. To start off with, when the lights for road crossings turn to green, there's an annoying repeated bird chirping sound effect. And it varies from place to place. Hell, in Kyoto, they got rid of the bird noise and replaced it with an annoying jingle. I'm crossing the road, not waltzing in to a poor quality musical. This road crossing noise however is worsened in areas like Matsumoto, as the trees in the street have speakers pumping out "atmospheric" background music, adding to a really weird sense of confusion.
Further to this, vehicles talk.* Frequently, if you see a van or a truck, there'll be a megaphone on it with a Japanese lady presumably saying useless things like "I AM A TRUCK. I AM TURNING LEFT. BEWARE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH." (my limited knowledge of Japanese lets my imagination run wild, but I really wouldn't be surprised if this was the basic gist). It's the same voice that you hear in elevators, saying things such as "YOU ARE IN AN ELEVATOR. THANK YOU FOR USING THIS ELEVATOR. IT IS GOING UP." However, things get worse if you are in a big city. In Otsemando Hills of Tokyo, I witnessed and heard a new low of advertising, something I have dubbed the "Ad Truck". The Ad Truck is effectively a truck comprising of a big poster for whatever it's endorsing, in this case some kind of health spa. Now, I've seen similar in Britain, but Japan took it a step further. Like normal trucks and vans, it had a megaphone blaring out rubbish. Except this was all advertising rubbish. No pauses, it was a relentless stream of audial spa selling. Otsemondo Hills is a very crowded up-market area, so needless to say, there was a traffic jam and this Ad Truck was moving along very slowly. I think I took such a disliking to it because it seemed to be crawling at the exact same speed as me. I don't want to visit a Japanese health spa, leave me alone you four wheeled ear rapist.
*House hold appliances talk too. I was taken slightly back when staying at my aunt and uncle's in Tokyo and the microwave started saying things to me.
There are noises inside as well as outside! Japan is littered with convenience stores. They are literally everywhere - Family Mart, Seven Eleven and Lawson being the three main culprits. Whilst staying in Osaka, we frequented one Family Mart in particular that was a tad more aurally abusive than others. All Family Marts play a silly little jingle as you enter the shop, and of course once you are inside, there is random J-pop playing. Now in Japan, it's customary for the shop employees of nearly any store to greet you, even if you are not near them. This usually amounts to them vaguely saying what sounded like "sumimasen" (sic? and which also means 'excuse me', so it probably wasn't what they were actually saying, but for the purpose of this story, I'll just stick with that phrase) and continuing with whatever they were doing. But in this particular Family Mart, the employees made it their mission to out do each other when it came to customer greeting. There would be a canon of "SUMIMASEEEEN", the last syllable stretched out for ages in an attempt to best the previous employee to greet. By evening, this changed to "KONBANWAAAAAAAAAA". Now, this coupled with the other noises of Family Mart never failed to floor me. One person walks in to the store and it's a cacophony of greeting jingles and polite shouts. Of course, it wasn't anything terrible, it's just very different to what I'm used to here at home - you walk in to a store, you may get a slightly unsettling stare and an odd mutter of "Alright?". I don't know which I prefer.
However, Family Mart's got nothing when it comes to the noises of the station. The station platforms are the biggest assualt on the ears in all of Japan. In Tokyo, all the JR stations seem to have little jingles and inquisitive noises playing each time you get off a train. Then an announcement will overlap this, probably a staple announcement saying things like "You are on a platform. Please do not walk on to the tracks. You might die." in the typical female Japanese information voice. That announcement will, half way through, be joined by this horrible ringing noise that is supposed to signify that the train is about to arrive. Of course, these noises alone are not enough, so a male announcer soars above this mess to presumably say "THE TRAIN IS COMING, IN CASE YOU ARE NOT ALREADY AWARE". Seriously, I'm sure I'm not properly conveying just how dire the sound effects in stations across Japan get after a while. They are ridiculous. On the train itself, it's a tad better, although there is still a flurry of announcements, at least they're now one at a time. Equally pointless, mind. I had been told by local Japanese that the announcements on the train are so drawn out that they begin to say things such as "Please do not cross your legs, as it is considered rude". I... what. Please Japan, just tone down the ear assaults. I theorise however that the country probably wouldn't be able to function without this aural abuse - it's probably what spurs Japanese efficiency.
Further to this, vehicles talk.* Frequently, if you see a van or a truck, there'll be a megaphone on it with a Japanese lady presumably saying useless things like "I AM A TRUCK. I AM TURNING LEFT. BEWARE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH." (my limited knowledge of Japanese lets my imagination run wild, but I really wouldn't be surprised if this was the basic gist). It's the same voice that you hear in elevators, saying things such as "YOU ARE IN AN ELEVATOR. THANK YOU FOR USING THIS ELEVATOR. IT IS GOING UP." However, things get worse if you are in a big city. In Otsemando Hills of Tokyo, I witnessed and heard a new low of advertising, something I have dubbed the "Ad Truck". The Ad Truck is effectively a truck comprising of a big poster for whatever it's endorsing, in this case some kind of health spa. Now, I've seen similar in Britain, but Japan took it a step further. Like normal trucks and vans, it had a megaphone blaring out rubbish. Except this was all advertising rubbish. No pauses, it was a relentless stream of audial spa selling. Otsemondo Hills is a very crowded up-market area, so needless to say, there was a traffic jam and this Ad Truck was moving along very slowly. I think I took such a disliking to it because it seemed to be crawling at the exact same speed as me. I don't want to visit a Japanese health spa, leave me alone you four wheeled ear rapist.
*House hold appliances talk too. I was taken slightly back when staying at my aunt and uncle's in Tokyo and the microwave started saying things to me.
There are noises inside as well as outside! Japan is littered with convenience stores. They are literally everywhere - Family Mart, Seven Eleven and Lawson being the three main culprits. Whilst staying in Osaka, we frequented one Family Mart in particular that was a tad more aurally abusive than others. All Family Marts play a silly little jingle as you enter the shop, and of course once you are inside, there is random J-pop playing. Now in Japan, it's customary for the shop employees of nearly any store to greet you, even if you are not near them. This usually amounts to them vaguely saying what sounded like "sumimasen" (sic? and which also means 'excuse me', so it probably wasn't what they were actually saying, but for the purpose of this story, I'll just stick with that phrase) and continuing with whatever they were doing. But in this particular Family Mart, the employees made it their mission to out do each other when it came to customer greeting. There would be a canon of "SUMIMASEEEEN", the last syllable stretched out for ages in an attempt to best the previous employee to greet. By evening, this changed to "KONBANWAAAAAAAAAA". Now, this coupled with the other noises of Family Mart never failed to floor me. One person walks in to the store and it's a cacophony of greeting jingles and polite shouts. Of course, it wasn't anything terrible, it's just very different to what I'm used to here at home - you walk in to a store, you may get a slightly unsettling stare and an odd mutter of "Alright?". I don't know which I prefer.
However, Family Mart's got nothing when it comes to the noises of the station. The station platforms are the biggest assualt on the ears in all of Japan. In Tokyo, all the JR stations seem to have little jingles and inquisitive noises playing each time you get off a train. Then an announcement will overlap this, probably a staple announcement saying things like "You are on a platform. Please do not walk on to the tracks. You might die." in the typical female Japanese information voice. That announcement will, half way through, be joined by this horrible ringing noise that is supposed to signify that the train is about to arrive. Of course, these noises alone are not enough, so a male announcer soars above this mess to presumably say "THE TRAIN IS COMING, IN CASE YOU ARE NOT ALREADY AWARE". Seriously, I'm sure I'm not properly conveying just how dire the sound effects in stations across Japan get after a while. They are ridiculous. On the train itself, it's a tad better, although there is still a flurry of announcements, at least they're now one at a time. Equally pointless, mind. I had been told by local Japanese that the announcements on the train are so drawn out that they begin to say things such as "Please do not cross your legs, as it is considered rude". I... what. Please Japan, just tone down the ear assaults. I theorise however that the country probably wouldn't be able to function without this aural abuse - it's probably what spurs Japanese efficiency.
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